


Losing Control

by Daily_Scenarios



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Affair era, Canon Compliant, First Time Bottoming, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Missing Scene, talking about emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 09:16:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17999069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daily_Scenarios/pseuds/Daily_Scenarios
Summary: "He was fairly sure Robert's never done this before, but he didn't want to break the spell... didn't want to lose the magic. So he just slowed everything down. Giving him a chance to back off, if he wanted to. Telling him, without words that it's okay, that whatever he wants to do next is his choice only. That Aaron would be okay with it. He just wanted to let him know."Or...My take on how, and when Robert's first bottoming happened. They couldn't talk much about it when it happened, but could they have another go now, years later?





	Losing Control

There were signs. There were signs and Aaron was suspicious, and curious at the same time. It's been going on for a while.... the two of them, and to be honest he never questioned anything. Not directly to his face. He had questions, but he knew better than to ask. Robert liked telling him that he was straight, and he'd rather got laid than to fight about it. If Robert wanted to live a lie, he would happily let him. Well at least that's what Aaron told himself. In reality, he cared. He couldn't not to. Robert got under his skin way too soon, and now he just couldn't get rid of him. He wasn't sure he even wanted to.

 

He knew that Robert's had a few one night stands in his life. Well... more than a few actually. He pretty much told him that. He knew he shouldn't, but he felt a little special when he told him that the others were “just” one night stands, but with him... with him there's more. He wanted to believe that Robert felt something as well... even though he knew that he shouldn't kid himself. He's never gonna change, he's never gonna leave Chrissie, he's never gonna come clean about his sexuality.... and yet, Aaron couldn't let go.

 

It was after their first proper hotel visit when he started thinking. Okay maybe he was thinking about it before as well, but there was something about that night... something in the way Robert acted... the way he moved.... for a second..... for a second Aaron thought... he thought that Robert would just give every control to him. There were signs. Then after a minute of weakness he was back to his old self. The one who calls all the shots. The one who's in charge. Aaron didn't mind, because Robert was a fantastic lover, and he always made sure that Aaron enjoys himself, but still... it got him thinking about certain things. Things that Robert might've done before, and things he haven't.

 

He had to wait 2 and a half months but... eventually he got his answers. To all of his questions...

 

 

* * *

 

 

The first night was...weird. In a good way. They were alone in that giant mansion... just the two of them. No one to interrupt their alone time.... no one to disturb them. No one to spy on them... it was really refreshing. Aaron however couldn't help but look over his shoulder, even though he knew nothing can ruin the moment.

 

“Stop fretting.” - smiled Robert – “We're alone, let's just enjoy it, yeah?”

 

And they did. Aaron let Robert take him upstairs. He let him take his mind off everything that remotely linked him to reality. He just let go and gave it up. He was in Robert's arms and it all felt.... right.

 

Later that night, as he lay next to Robert, he felt his arms around him, he still couldn't believe that it was real. He's really here... with him. Just him. And Robert seemed so.... different? He wasn't rude, he wasn't smug... he was giving, and sweet, and Aaron almost felt like they were in a proper relationship. Almost.

 

In the morning he got breakfast in bed and for a moment he thought he was dreaming.

 

“What's all this?” - he asked him.

 

“Just... something I think you deserve.” - shrugged Robert before he hopped down next to him on the bed, stole a slice of bacon, gave him a kiss, then stood up again, and went for a shower. 

 

 

 

 

 

The fact that they did it on every surface didn't bother Aaron. Robert was demanding, needy, and Aaron couldn't resist him. The thing that took him by surprise happened on their third day, when Robert straddled him out of the blue. They were watching telly, drinking beer, and one minute they were laughing about some stupid joke, the next minute Robert was sitting on his lap, kissing him furiously.

 

The way he moved, the way he was grinding down on him.... there was something different about the whole situation, yet Aaron didn't want to make any assumptions.

 

“Let's go upstairs.” - whispered Robert – “I want you in bed.” - Aaron kissed him hard before he shoved him off his lap, stood up and grabbed his hand to take him to the bedroom. He was surprised but Robert let him. He didn't make any attempt to be in charge. 

 

As soon as they were in the room Aaron pushed him up against the wall. He undressed him between moans and kisses, and it wasn't long before they were on the bed, naked.... panting like mad. Robert showed a different side... it was nothing like anything they did before, and Aaron was so curious but he didn't want to ruin the mood, or startle Robert. If he was right, this was a big step for him. He still didn't want to believe he would go through with it. Sure by now Robert didn't mind a finger inside him, but that's exactly what Aaron did on their first hotel stay, and that was exactly the point where he switched back into control. Back then it seemed like that was as far as he went with this whole changing positions thing. He battered Aaron's hand away before he pinned him to the bed and that was it.

 

Not now though. Now he looked like he wanted more, the way he circled his hips, the way he held onto Aaron... Aaron just knew that this was different. He wanted to ask him... out of curiosity and out of concern... but he didn't dare. He was fairly sure Robert's never done this before, but he didn't want to break the spell... didn't want to lose the magic. So he just slowed everything down. Giving him a chance to back off, if he wanted to. Telling him, without words that it's okay, that whatever he wants to do next is his choice only. That Aaron would be okay with it. He just wanted to let him know. And Robert listened.

 

“Put it on.” - he said throwing a condom on the bed next to Aaron. He just looked at him for a second, before he picked it up, opening it slowly.

 

“Are you s...”

 

“Yes.” - he said way too quickly. Aaron wanted to tell him that he doesn't have to, but he heard Robert's voice again – “Just don't make a big deal about it.” - he might said that, but behind his eyes Aaron could see the excitement, and a little fear. Maybe not about the physical side of things, more like because he didn't want Aaron to look at him any different. To treat him any different. To be gentle.... to care.

 

Aaron didn't want to listen to him... so he didn't. He took his time, he wanted to make sure that this will be a good experience for him.

 

“Hurry up will ya.” - hissed Robert trying to play it cool. Like this wasn't a big thing. Like it didn't matter to him.

 

Aaron knew it was only a show. He knew that Robert wanted to look confident, and strong, and someone who doesn't give a shit about bottoming for the first time, but by now he knew him better. So he smirked at him before he pinned his hands above his head. - “I'm in charge now. We'll do this my way.” - he said before he kissed him. He wanted to relax him.... he wanted him to forget all the shame he's probably feeling. To forget everything, and just concentrate on him. On the man before him, who wants to pleasure him with everything he's got. Who wants him to feel good.

 

Two minutes later he was a moaning mess, and Aaron was never more satisfied than in that moment. The moment where Robert was completely his, where they were in another reality. Where nothing mattered but them, and their feelings. He could feel Robert's heart beating so loud, and he knew that he did this. He was the reason for it. And it only made everything better.

 

* * *

 

“You alright?” - he asked Robert. They were still in bed, still out of breath, still sweaty, and Aaron couldn't hold back anymore.

 

“Yeah, yeah... I'm good.” - said Robert sitting up. Aaron couldn't help but think back to their first time... back in the garage. Where he asked Robert the same thing, and he answered just like he did before. He knew Robert was lying. This was a big deal, but he didn't wanna push. He only hoped that one day he'll be able to talk about it. He didn't expect for Robert to turn around and face him, and he certainly didn't expect him to start talking. - “You were... gentle.” - he said like it was a bad thing. - “Why?”

 

“Erm...” - Aaron didn't know what to say.

 

“I mean, when we... We didn't....I wasn't...” - he wanted to say that things weren't exactly tender for the first few times. Why should it be any different this time around? Aaron knew that Robert understood the reason, he just couldn't accept it.

 

“It's not like we haven't done things.... slow before. I thought you liked it.” - he said pretending to be hurt. He suspected that this might make him open up a little more. He was right.

 

“No it... it was amazing.” - he smiled. - “It was.... really amazing.” - he repeated with a voice Aaron didn't hear very often. Once or twice he met with this caring and soft side of Robert. It fascinated him every time.

 

“Look I know you don't wanna talk about it, and we won't but... why me? Why now?” - he promised himself he wouldn't ask, but he had to try at least.

 

“I trust you.” - said Robert simply. - “I didn't trust anybody else.” - he shrugged.

 

“But you wanted to.... before.” - said Aaron. He thought about how Robert could shut him out at any minute, but he had a feeling he was too happy and tired, to think straight. He clearly enjoyed it, it wasn't even a question.

 

“I thought about it.” - said Robert after he took a big breath – “It's just... everything's different with you.” - he said smiling before he leaned over Aaron to kiss him. - “Alright, how about a pizza and something boring on the telly... or if you wanna watch something proper...”

 

“Yeah, sounds good.”

 

“Okay, I just go and have a shower, do you mind ordering?”

 

“Alright, what do you want?” - he asked as he watched Robert going to the bathroom.

 

“Anything, I'm not fussed. Whatever you want.” - he smiled before he disappeared behind the door.

 

Aaron stayed there for quite a few minutes, zoned out... thinking about Robert's words. _“It's just... everything's different with you.”_ it almost felt like a love confession. Sure Robert told him he loved him a couple of days ago... but was it true? He couldn't help thinking about it. He must've felt something about him, something stronger than he felt for all the men before him. As Robert said, they were only one night stands after all. And he's still here.... after 4 months and they're still involved. If it wasn't a sordid affair it would be a beautiful thing. Sometimes he feels guilty about how good it is to be with Robert... how excited he is to see him, even if they had a row before. Because to Aaron it's worth it. He was half convinced that Robert felt the same.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Oi, Robert!” - said Aaron a bit louder. - “I asked if a pizza and a film would be okay!”- he said waving his hand in front of Robert who was sitting on the couch staring into thin air.

 

“What? Yeah.” - he said shaking his head. - “Come here for a bit.” - he said reaching out his hand, and as soon as he felt Aaron touching his fingers, he pulled him onto his lap.

 

“Woah, what are you doing?” - smiled his husband.

 

“Nothing I was just thinking.”

 

“Yeah I could see that.” - he laughed stroking his hair. The pose was awkward, and not very comfortable for Aaron so he stood up for a second to straddle him. - “Where were you?” - he asked tapping his temple.

 

“In the past.” - answered Robert. - “Don't ask me why... but …. do you remember that time you were up at Home Farm with me?”

 

“Yeah, of course.” - he smiled.

 

“I was thinking how perfect those couple of days were.” - he said but confusion ran through him as he looked at Aaron – “What?”

 

“Erm... nothing.” - he said as he tried to stand up.... to get away from Robert.

 

“No, I wanna know... come on.” - he smiled pulling him back. - “What is it?”

 

“I...”

 

“Is this about my first time?” - he asked. He didn't even need to elaborate, of course Aaron knew what he meant.

 

“You have no idea how often it came to my mind. That you let me, I mean.”

 

“Yeah...” - he smiled – “Well, I wanted to do it with someone special.” - he said kissing him.

 

“Stop it Robert, it's not funny.” - said Aaron smiling.

 

“I know... I wasn't joking. I mean sure I wanted to do it for ages, I just never trusted anyone... but I told you that.”

 

“I know... it's just...”

 

“You didn't believe it?”

 

“No of course I did... but you were.... different back then.”

 

A closet case. I know.- he laughed. It was amazing how he could joke about it now. - “I might have acted different, but I was still in love with you.” - he said and Aaron's face lit up. - “It was a big deal for me, and I'm sorry if I made it like it didn't matter. It did. A lot.”

 

“I know, well I suspected.” - he laughed.

 

“Yeah I figured, from the way you touched me and everything.” - he said slowly running his hands up and down Aaron's arms

 

“I just wanted to make you feel good.” - answered Aaron with his hands on Robert's chest.

 

“And you did.” - he whispered – “And you have... ever since.” - he smiled - “I didn't lie when I told you it was good.”

 

“You said it was amazing, but whatever.” - replied Aaron rolling his eyes before he started laughing.

 

“Oh did I?” - laughed Robert. - “Now who's the sentimental one? It was my first time and you remember the correct words.”

 

“Well, it was a big deal for me as well.”

 

“I'm so glad it was you.”

 

“Stop it, there's no time to be soppy.”

 

“But we never really talked about it.”

 

“Well, at that time you said you didn't want to...”

 

“Yeah,because if I did I would've had to admit who I really was. I wasn't ready for that.”

 

“I know.” - he said stroking his cheek.

 

“You know, at first I thought you were gonna ask questions... after.... you know.”

 

“You said you didn't want to so... I just kept it to myself I guess.”

 

“You have no idea what that meant for me, back then.”

 

“I thought about asking you the next time it happened, but well.... you occupied my thoughts in other ways so... I guess it slipped my mind and then... then it wasn't relevant anymore.”

 

“You know I was a bit scared.” - admitted Robert.

 

“I know. You didn't think I would hurt you did ya?”

 

“No, no course not. I just... well you know how people have all kind of thoughts in their heads before... I wasn't any different.”

 

“You relaxed pretty fast I remember that much.” - smirked Aaron.

 

“Yeah, because you made sure about that.” - he laughed. - “And I really trusted you, you know.”

 

“I'm flattered.” - he said planting a kiss on his lips.

 

“So... why don't we go upstairs and you can show me how flattered you are.” - winked Robert as he started stroking his thighs.

 

“Can't you wait 20 minutes? Dinner will be ready by then, and I don't wanna burn the kitchen down because of you.”

 

“Why would it be my fault?” - asked Robert offended.

 

“Really?”- sighed Aaron looking at him.

 

“Fine.” - said Robert giving up.

 

“Don't worry I'm still gonna show you a good time, after.” - he said laughing as he stood up, going back to the kitchen to get the pizza in the oven.

 

“Make sure you do.” - he heard Robert's voice as he went upstairs.

 

“Where are ya going?”

 

“Just because you decided to be busy for the next 20 minutes, it doesn't mean I can't be busy on my own....”

 

“Don't you dare.” - shouted Aaron. As he cupped himself through his pants. It was a good thing that Liv wasn't home. They couldn't have this conversation then.

 

“Hurry up then, I'm not gonna wait for you forever... I might even start it without you.” - that was the last straw. Damn dinner... Aaron turned the oven off to race upstairs after his husband.

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> if you have prompts that goes with canon, send me some and if I like it I'm definitely gonna write it. This was a prompt as well so... 
> 
> twitter: @tardisgirl93
> 
> tumblr: susieskinner93


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